To Have a Good Friend, Be a Good Friend

Friends are super important to me - more so now than ever before.

I have always wished and prayed for a best friend, but I don't have one best friend like many people do.  I have wished and prayed that I was a part of a group of friends who stayed in close contact over the years, but, again, that hasn't been the case either.  I have struggled with both of these things and I know this has come to pass because in the past I haven't always been a good friend.  To say that I regret this many times over is an understatement.

What I know though is that to have a good friends, I must be a good friend.  So, I have spent the last several years focusing on friendship.  Because I recognize that I haven't always been a good friend, it is very clear to me what I have needed to do be a good friend.  Like anything else, I learn most from my mistakes.

What I have come to realize and accept is that friendship is fluid.  Friendships wax and wain over time.  The person you once bared your soul to you may no longer talk to on a regular basis.  She may have moved on or be wrapped up in things going on in her life.  You may realize that the interests you shared with that person are no longer as much of a priority as they once were.  All of these things are okay.  You may reconnect.  You may not.  Either way is fine and part of God's plan for both of you.

Friendship, like anything else requires time and commitment.  It has taken several years for relationships to take root or be brought back to life, but beautiful things have happened.  I still don't have a best friend and I still don't have a long term group of close friends, but those things don't matter in the same way they once did.

What I have now is great friends.  Yes, all of these friends have another best friend and have circles of friends that I am not a part of, but that is okay.  What matters is my friendship with that one person and what I can do to be a good friend to her.  And for each friendship I have, I am so thankful.

Friendship Is...

• sending a text letting her know you are thinking about her
• forwarding a blog post about a topic you know she is interested in
• leaving a voice mail even though you know she won't answer her phone
• sending her a message on Facebook
• dropping something off at her house for her or her kids
• discussing a Facebook post over messenger
• sending a long lengthy email in the middle of the night
• sending an email with only something in the subject line
• sending a text with only emoticons
• asking about her first before diving into the latest craziness in your life
• diving straight into the craziness of your life and realizing you haven't even asked about her
• sending her a Pinterest pin because you saw it and it immediately made you think of her
• making her cookies
• bringing her dinner
• leaving a bottle of wine at her front door
• being her children's emergency contact
• checking in for no reason at all
• calling on the way to work because you know you are both in the car
• remembering her birthday
• remembering her children's birthdays
• knowing that when she says she is fine, she really isn't
• not worrying about the time of day when you reach out
• reaching out when you are scared
• reaching out when you are thrilled
• reaching out when you are confused
• supporting her no matter what, even if don't agree with her
• listening
• looking her in the eye when you are talking
• figuring out what her love language is - because love languages aren't only for romantic love
• picking something up at the store for her
• sharing her excitement
• crying with her
• praying for her
• praying with her
• asking for prayer
• making plans to get together
• understanding when plans fall through
• making plans again

Balance is...

Beautiful

Little man had been in Irish dance class for an hour.  He came out of class and when he saw me he smiled a big smile, gave me a big hug and said, "How did you get to be so beautiful?"

Made. My. Day.

I rarely feel beautiful.  I am one of those "cute" girls.  Much of it is my size at 5'1".  Add in a bubbly personality and curly hair and you've got cute - never beautiful.  Except for through the eyes of my son and, quite frankly, who matters more than that?

I believe mothers are most beautiful when they are looking at their children.  

I always take the best pictures when little man is either in the picture with me or I am looking at him while the picture is being taken.  There is something about your child that makes everything else fall away - there is no hiding, no pretense, no self-consciousness and it is then that my true beauty shines through.  I think this is true of all mothers.

Moms - You are as beautiful as your children say you are.

See some beautiful mothers from 50 years ago in this post on HuffPost Good News.

#bringbacksupper

Little man and I are listening to Quentin Corn in the car and Q, as he is called in the book, is getting ready to move into a boarding house where breakfast, dinner and supper is served.  It was a great opportunity to explain the difference and similarities between dinner and super and it got me thinking...

The midday meal used to be called dinner because it was the main meal of the day.  We have all heard the saying - eat the breakfast of a king, the lunch of a price and dinner of a pauper.  Maybe the fact that I love a bowl of cereal for dinner/supper isn't all that far off the mark?

So, this, as with everything else in life, is a matter of mindset.  I am going to start thinking of my midday meal as my main meal - dinner - and will see if this helps me as I work toward #11.

And for a fun read about the difference between dinner and supper in the south check out this post at Real Southern Men.

The Birthday Party

For the last however many years - okay, my whole life - I have waited for other people to do something for me on my birthday and have gotten depressed when it hasn't happened.  Of course, to be fair, most of the time I have not been in a relationship with anyone who would do anything and I don't come from a family where birthdays are important.  Again, this just doubles the depression, but that was then and this is now.

I am no longer waiting for anyone to do anything to celebrate my birthday.  This year I am throwing my own party.  I have great friends and family and no one is going to gather them together unless I do it myself.

Want to come?  I'd love to have you!  Well, um, I'd love to have you if I know you.  Just use the contact form on the right hand side so that I have your email address.  It's 2014 - evite is the only way to go.  I'd love to have engraved (or at least thermographed) invitations, but this single mom's budget can't handle it.

See you then!

#40x40 - The List

So, here is my 40x40 list - in no particular order...

1. Throw my own birthday party. CHECK- a few weeks after my birthday
2. Get passports for little man and me.
3. Update my license with my new address.
4. Become a Stephen Minister. in process - will be commissioned in March
5. Give away everything I don't need.
6. Empty extra bedroom of everything but furniture.
7. Go on a hot air balloon ride.
8. Go to the St. Regis for cocktails and champagne sabering. CHECK- over Christmas vacation
9. Go to dinner at a fancy restaurant by myself. CHECK - does doing this while traveling for work count?  Yes it does!
10. Take a series of yoga classes at a studio. CHECK - at Marist during term 2, admittedly I didn't make it to every class, but perfection is overrated
11. Have a BMI of 22% or less.
12. Be comfortable with someone other than my son seeing me in a bathing suit.
13. Go on a girls beach trip.
14. Successfully complete two seasons of Project 333 - although my rules may be a bit different.
15. Make and deliver a meal to a friend.
16. Make cookies for my neighbors.
17. Go on a silent retreat.
18. Celebrate the winter solstice.  failed - I think I recognized it, but didn't do anything to celebrate
19. Celebrate the summer solstice.
20. Have a movie marathon of all my favorite 80's movies.
21. Participate in a 52 week photo project - or just take one photo each week. changed - and in progress at the start of 2015 I started a 365 photo project and I love doing it.  You can see all my pictures on Instagram at GeorgiaJenni 
22. Be a kid again at Disney. changed - T and I have Six Flags seasons passes which matches our speed and my budget
23. Attend a fancy-schmancy fundraiser for something other than a school.
24. Be a tourist in Atlanta for a weekend.
25. Go on a blind date. CHECK - the Tuesday of Thanksgiving week, set up by my cousin and no there wasn't a second date
26. Sell all my gold and silver jewelry that I don't like or don't wear.
27. Go to Sky Zone.
28. Electrolysis. changed - laser hair removal in process and loving it, all part of simplifying my life
29. Transfer all my CDs to the cloud. changed - I've decided I really like having my CDs and being able to play them in the car.
30. Treat myself as well as I treat other people. in process
31. Send at least one handwritten letter per month.
32. Go camping. CHECK - went yurt camping with T in September and it was awesome
33. Go to a Hawks game.
34. Keep my nails painted. in process - I'm at about 50% of the time and, yes, maybe also at 50% of each nail being covered in paint
35. Go to Scott's Antique Market. CHECK - September
36. Consolidate brokerage accounts.
37. Consolidate retirement accounts.
38. Have my teeth whitened. changed - I honestly don't care about this right now
39. Blog about #40x40.
40. Don't quit.

I'll tell you why I choose each and how it goes as I complete each one.  Looking forward to it!